my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
