honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
