I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
