You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
