Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
