You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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