watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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