I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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