What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
