farters have to be the big spoon...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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