On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
