Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want to make out with him forever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
