So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
