If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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