Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
