I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
