I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
