just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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