he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
