I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
