I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
