Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize