Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
