They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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