I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Someone signed my nipple.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
