just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
