There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
