Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
