Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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