I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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