I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
