No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
