it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
