I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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