Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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