So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
