So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
