Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
