Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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