Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
