Have you finally orgasmed yet?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
