oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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