Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
