Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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