If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How external is "for external use only"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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