I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
