You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
