Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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