this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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