Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize