Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
