i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
