Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
