giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
