I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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