Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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