Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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