Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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