i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
