It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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