Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
