he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So squirting runs in the family.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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