Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
