apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
