Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
