i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
